"The need to control one's temper"

One too many times, we don't think before we react, and after we really do process it in our minds, it's too late. We tend to realise what we've done was a huge mistake, a huge regret, and sometimes, even somethings that could change our lives from that very day we've conducted that stupid act, but guess what, it's way too late to rewind it back. And so we really try to change, to think before we react, and be more cautious of the way we speak, but dont you find it abit too hard, like your action are totally controlled your mind, or maybe you're mind could not react as fast (being in a bimbo's shoes) & you just feel the need to be heated up.

And oh, after like 2 hrs, you forgotten what has happened, and when you get reminded of it, you ask yourself, "am i just dumb, or dumb?"

well, i guess at the end of the day, you've got just that friend, who told you how wonderful you are, & maybe just something like that can make me comprehend more things in life; ty K.

& also, never to jump into conclusions with the beings & their reactions you see surrounding yourself, cus for all you know, they might be feeling the same way you are feeling;

and 2 hrs later, they ask themselves, "am i dumb, or dumb?"

xx

"Breathe, just a little."

& i cant comprehend how fickle minded they can get; maybe i was the cause of it. So one minute you gain complete trust of this 2 human beings that made you, to venture life; and everything was fine, & just one incident, one small incident, without you having the intention to cause it, can break that trust you've been building for oh -so -long.

or you're trying to please every single soul out there, making them feel belonged, making them feel how special they are to you. But eventually, it comes to a point where you just stop giving you're 100%, because you have no more energy left, no more motivation, no more strength to continue. & maybe that someone special pops by, just when the time was right, & when you're just falling deeper and being close to that someone, the world realizes the change, crashes and forbids you're happiness. & that's the part when you've finally realised, how you've neglected the rest, their feelings & emotions, their presence, & merely the fact that they were there for you since forever, & you're slowly starting to disappear and vanish, but you didn't mean any harm in the first place.

or even trying to help a young soul, who's been trapped in that little nest for far too long, deciding its time to venture and be exposed to the outer world, and its only possible, with your help. & the fact that you try & try & try to be there, but under some circumstances, you just cant, leaving that little soul alone yet again, wondering if she'd ever turn to become someone immune, in the years to come. You fear for her, & you dont know where to begin.

and then you start feeling all these different emotions coming into you at one go, you slowly lose your temper at that once, saying things you don't actually mean or have the intention to cause any harm, & the fact that you realise you're slowly becoming your old self, makes you want to tear yourself down into a thousand pieces, and maybe go somewhere far, somewhere, where feelings dont exist.

knowing the fact that, you've arrived to you're little nest, closing you're eyes and sleeping everything away, but just when you knew it, it was her, her car, and my bro giggling like they were riding from one end of the rainbow to another; i could not acknowledge no more, I just could not look at it from the same perspective as it was before, they're just the last things i ever want to see to end my day, i rest my case.
xxx

Just a thought,

its not all about being good enough & coming out with reasons why you're not good enough. I guess its accepting the fact that in order for one to be successful, one have to take each and every critisms to the test, and take every single comments & opinions as a challenge I will not end just here, not right now.

reasons are there for a reason.

cheers to you, espall; this may be the 3rd major downfall since your return, but something/someone/some faith/ some luck, will show, if i believe.

xxx

It's my turn, to fix you.

It's when you know, despite all that we've been through, the many moments of insecurities we've been facing; the stress, opinions & comments, being down right afraid of the slightest things, feeling we're never too good enough, & all that seems to slowly lighten & eventually fade away, when you realise you're not just alone, there's someone with you, feeling the very same way.

I wake up to your calls, thank God for them; hearing the sincerity in your voice; i would want to live more than just 31 year(at least) if i could, & I would knowing I have found a friend like you, who will take care of me, & fix me. I would look forward to living the 31 years(at least) filled with joy & your silly laughters; & on top of that remembering every single bit of bimbo-ness you portray and try and store them in my head, at the very least. So, I would want you to live with me for as long as we can survive in this world, you're possibly the last person i want to see; before everything else disappears.

I couldn't be more than happy to have someone like you beside me, ironically also reasoning the reasons why we should stay away from each other, whist the passerbys see us as one whole, asking me where my other half went; when you weren't with me. It's only now that i realise, the world is being to see us, always together.

I thank you for the moments where your sixth sense tells you how emotional i felt, & although you're physically not with me, you successfully made you're presence felt. Now that i'm well and back on track, knowing the fact that its' my other half's turn to go out of track, I'll fix you, i will.

I love you, my bitch.
xxx

♥
Too afraid to try, yet again.
Afraid to explore, that something new.
I need more encouragement;
More faith, accompanied with fate.
xxx